"If only the street lights could talk". A Bastards story of Joburg Burning 4

The streets of Melville, Johannesburg are stained from the years and years of partying. If the street lights could talk they would tell stories of murder, love, theft, lies and drunken debauchery.However, the streets have lost their glow, as young whippersnappers no longer congregate on the roads of Melville. Melville has had its time in the lime light and now newer, cleaner and cooler area's draw the attention of the young adults of Johannesburg who want to make mistakes and dance the night away.

Southern Pulse is the conglomerate of the South African Music Industry. It's reach as a booking agency has no limit in South Africa. They are the Fat Cats of the local Music Scene. Southern Pulse has attempted to resurrect the youth's interest in Melville with its "Joburg Burning" Gig. Joburg Burning takes over the streets of Melville and turns them into a one night festival that takes place close to your own home. The somewhat pricey cover charge includes free access to private taxi's that run to and from all the venues.

Now with its 4th installment, Joburg Burning has gone from strength to strength. The organizers have thus decided to capitalize on the success of the event and extend it two take place on the Friday and Saturday. However, there was a lesson to be learnt from this as we should all know that "Greed messes things up". The idea of splitting your own crowd attendance makes no sense to me. If attendance was at 25 000 yes, then it would make sense, but when you are pulling around 2000 people why would you want to split the humble number. But alas, I am not a events coordinator and what would I know.

"The music students of Press Ok provided a professional and Sexy example of South African Music"

Regardless of my doubts toward the events potential success, I made my way to the streets of Melville for a bit of nostalgia and hopefully a little bit of takkie squeaking. Upon arrival we made our way to Cool Runnings Melville to Catch Columbus. These new comers to the Joburg scene have been making waves and I felt my presence at their show was needed. Their tight performance got the small crowd dancing and screaming. We then assembled to watch Press Ok. If these guys keep their heads down and avoid the distractions that are so common in the South African Music scene they will go far, very far actually. The music students of Press Ok provided a professional and Sexy example of South African Music. Mike Wright the drummer of Press Ok's hair cut left me feeling insecure about my future.

"The Cokestrokes played a mature and tight set and proved that their time under the radar was not spent loafing and losing interest"               

                                                                                    Photo by Nico Van Loggerenburg

We were then left with 2 hours to burn as the line up provided very little excitement between 8 and 10. I guess this is what happens when you stretch your resources out paper thin. We decided to catch ShortStraw for a bit of comical relief. It seems that Roxys was the only venue with a decent crowd the entire night. After a few songs we made the some what far skip to Cool Runnings Victory Park to Watch The Cokestrokes first gig in what seems like years. Cool Runnings Victory Park is quite out the way but its services were only called upon on short notice as Back2Basix was closed down a week before the event and left the organizers with a massive headache. The Cokestrokes played a mature and tight set and proved that their time under the radar was not spent loafing and losing interest. One of the best performances of the entire night for sure.

"I was particularly blown away by the guitar prowess of Jaco Mans"

The night was now coming to an end and the best was definitely saved for last. We quickly crammed and overloaded the Taxi outside Cool Runnings and made our way back to Roxys. Police patrols were no where to be seen and multiple laws were bent and cracked as we made our way back to Melville, our understanding driver did not say a word as he could have easily made a fuss about what was happening around him. We arrived at Roxys and within minutes we were treated to the best show of the night. Tidal Waves played a professional and original set. Original Music for Original People I guess. I was particularly blown away by the guitar prowess of Jaco Mans. He busted out lick's that would make some of the most accomplished guitar players shiver. Their set was impeccable.

"These Mozambican exports are definitely one of the bests bands to ever come out of Africa"

We ducked of to Jozi G-spot (old Rock Bar) to catch a few songs of Wrestlerish and to have a beer while 340ML set up. Wrestlerish is one of the best bands to come out of South Africa over the past few years and they did not disappoint. The streets were now crawling with drunken music fans and Melville inhabitants. I must say that it is not the safest place in the world as multiple cases of theft were reported over the two nights. 340ML took to the stage at Roxy as the final act of the night. They are one of my favorites and they did not disappoint. These Mozambican exports are definitely one of the bests bands to ever come out of Africa. The night drew to an end and after a bit of logistical fuck ups we managed to find our way home. Joburg Burning wasn't that bad, it could have been a whole lot better thou 

Oppikoppi Sexy. Crooked. Teeth Festival: Part 3

I must say that I was happy when I awoke on Sunday morning. I felt quite sprightly considering that I was at a music festival and I could fill a shot glass with the amount of sand in my nose. I felt that Sunday's line-up was by far the best of the entire festival, I had enjoyed the past two days but secretly I had been holding out for the final day.

Anyone who has been to a festival will know that on the final day you develop a routine that has been determined by the foolish errors you have made over the past few days. Sneaky thorn bushes are no longer a problem as your skin has now hardened to a nice leathery texture and your eyes have developed a extra layer of skin to protect themselves from the dust and debris. I decided I would take my newly evolved body to the shower as I could laugh at all the lesser beings who had not adapted to their environment. 

Upon arrival I saw a kilometer long line leading to the showers and nearly turned back. However, after closer inspection I realized that it was the girls showers that had a kilometer long line. I walked straight past the very miserable looking girls holding onto my toilet paper, towel and soap. I joined the 5 long line and within 5 minutes I was enjoying an icy cold shower. 

To my horror I discovered that my new hardened skin was actually a mixture of brandy, wine and sand and it was washing off, leaving my epidermis exposed to the harsh world that is Oppikoppi. My newly grown eye protectors were actually transparent sweet papers that had become stuck to my eye balls and had since washed off, taking a thin layer of eye skin with them. I left the shower disappointed that I was not a superior human being and had not evolved over the past two days. I sat on the toilet and shed a little tear.

I returned to my tent and kept my loss to myself. By now most people were stirring and plans of breakfast were in full effect. We returned to the entertainment area and filled our bellies with the disgusting yet good Breakfast Schwarma. The day's line up was about to begin and we were all ready. Hopefully for the best day yet.

We spent the whole of Sunday walking around and enjoying all the bands on show. Fire Through The Window entertained the crowd at the FHM Most Amazing Myn stage. Their music kept making me feel that I was in a Shrek movie and I kept thinking I saw a donkey in the corner of my eye. I must admit that they are good, I am just a dick. 

I will now give my best performance award of the day award to Wrestlerish. These guys deserve all the attention they are receiving and are likely to go a lot further. Werner Olckers's Voice is pristine and when joined by Richard Brokensha (Isochronous vocalist/guitarist/future South African great) for a duet, the vocal pair managed to make a lot of girls become quite hot and bothered. 

Unfortunately, the day went down hill from here. The Valiant Swart Tribute show made no sense to me and I am still unable to correctly explain it to anyone. We returned home for a final top up of drinks and prepared ourselves for the final chapter in our Oppikoppi experience. 

We were greeted with the worst performance of Oppikoppi upon our arrival back at the entertainment area. Die Heuwels Fantasties pulled a massive crowd and had made a huge impact upon the South African scene over the past year or two. However their performance removed any respect I had for them. The Vocalist guy sang out of tune for about 97% of the set(granted that it was obvious his voice was hoarse from the start of the set) and the band played slightly out of time. It was likely that these guys either had their drinks spiked or had little concern about their prime slot on the James Philips stage. We quickly moved away and awaited the start of Blk Jks. Unfortunately we were also let down by the famous South African exports who had moments of brilliance but most of the time seemed loose and a little off the ball.

Billy Talent was the main headliner of the festival and captured the attention of the entire festival. They played a tight set and their World wide fame was displayed for everyone to see. I however found myself annoyed by the vocalists voice and was reminded why I never really took notice of these Canadian rockers. They were good, I am just a dick. By now all interest in live music was lost, we returned to our campsite and for the first time of the entire festival did not get lost on the way home. We saw off the final evening with a pathetic fire and discussions of the weekends mishaps and good times. We payed little attention to Jack Parow blasting from the entertainment area, the loud reception he was receiving from the crowd reflected the brilliant year he has achieved.

The following morning allowed us to display the final festival skill we had acquired over the years. The art of packing up all your shit in 5 minutes and getting the fuck out of there, is a skill that I am proud of. We managed to leave Oppikoppi while some of the stragglers were still trying to find their campsites after the final night of partying. The Drive home was subdued and peaceful. 

I am still wearing my Oppikoppi bracelet and I wonder if the organizers will give me a discount if I can provide it when I buy my ticket next year. I love Oppikoppi, even if I can only manage to tolerate it for a maximum of 3 days.